[cherry-pick] #22484

支持不依赖nccl进行编译。

多卡下，如果没有打开WITH_NCCL开关编译，则只能使用单卡

* wip

* wip

* refactor no.1 dir structure test=develop

* fix linking test=develop

* fix includes test=develop

* fix build test=develop

* fix build test=develop

* wip

* add ref_by_trainer_id op

* ready to test

* fix ref inputs

* refine rpc_op_handle

* fix merge bug

    Experiment on vgg flower, 2 trainers, 1ps.
    more trainer could have more speedup.

    After:
    Pass = 0, Iters = 327, Speed = (7.52) img/s
    Before:
    Pass = 0, Iters = 385, Speed = (6.77) img/s