Polish optest: refine the optest parameter logic. support name, dtype, out, output in arbitrary position (#40824)

* 1. add the python api grad 2. add final and intermediate state vlog 3. change the python_api error logic

* add python api or close the check_eager=True

* fix the compatibility

* matmul

* disable unittests: test_elementwise_add_op test_scatter_nd_op test_gather_nd_op test_scatter_op test_index_sample_op test_elementwise_add_mkldnn_op

* refine the logic of prepara_parameter logic

* fix Tensor(gpu) 2 Scalar segment fault.